Welcome to an alternative way of working with shyness.

Tried everything? Perhaps it is no coincidence that you have arrived here today. Please take a moment and read this first page to see how Shy and Free relates to your journey.

Shyness Transformation

Imagine going from someone too shy to purchase a book on shyness; too shy to have a successful job interview; too shy to ask for someone’s phone number; too shy to attend social activities; too shy to go on dates --- to someone who looks others in the eye; finds rewarding, interesting, and creative work; travels internationally; finds their partner in life; finds happiness and joy in the world; and even speaks to large groups of people on occasion.

My journey led me to discover the Principles that Transform Shyness. Applying these principles leads to a Process of Understanding Shyness.   Living the principles and following a process allows The Secret and Ways of Transforming Shyness to work for you when you most need some help.

This site is written by someone who has personally transformed pain and suffering into happiness and joy.

Of Special Interest - Internal - The Bampa Notes: Rare Insight into Shyness Shyness Book Store OPEN Life After ShynessTM - External - News Shyness: FindArticles.com Think Right Now Shake Your Shyness Helping Young Children Overcome Shyness The Center for Highly Sensitive People (and shyness)   The Shyness Institute Success Talk Radio Humor: How to Make Anyone a Platonic Friend

Audience

If you are interested in personal growth, change, and transformation then you are in the right place!  This site is written for those who have already worked on their shyness (social anxiety, insecurity, quietness) --- perhaps making progress only to experience a setback; perhaps not finding solutions that worked; perhaps not yet creating the happiness they seek. Having personal experience working on your shyness gives you the foundation for understanding and applying the information on this site.

Source

The Shy and Free site contains both original content and links to useful web sites. The source of the original material on this site is direct experience and is not from any particular philosophy, psychology, religion, or spirituality.  Occasionally there will be a reference or quote from someone when the source of an important learning is remembered.  More often, the lessons were gifts from others, taken in, combined with other learning through experience.  Additional web resources and some of the influences of this site can be found on the Resources page.

Truth

The truth present on this site has the power to spark the truth that is already in your heart, mind, and soul and one spark is enough to light the fire of transformation.

The solution to your shyness may not be what you expect

The solution to your shyness may not be what you expect (if it were, you would have already found the answer).

Moving toward happiness

Moving toward something will bring you success and happiness.  Trying to get rid of something only keeps you stuck. You could spend a lifetime answering the questions "How can I overcome my shyness?" and "What causes shyness?" While this would be an interesting exploration, nothing would change.

You get what you resist. What you resist you get because personal change does not happen through opposition. 

What is the point to all the struggle?

What’s New From “Shai” to Shining How to be Socially Successful Self Growth.Com Self Healing Courses Site Shyness: Making Conversation - Skill not Art Resources Shyness: Small Talk Story: Journey From Shyness to Learning Quotes: DO SOMETHING... News: Google Shyness News Community: Shyness

Shyness leads to self-consciousness which leads to consciousness which leads to freedom.

shyness => self-consciousness => consciousness => freedom.

Until we are free, we can experience much pain.  When asked what to do with all the pain the poet Rilke said "Feel it and keep moving because you deserve to be happy".

The point of the struggle and pain is to discover the courage to really love yourself and others . . . to be Shy and Free.

Change

What part of you wants to change?  It can’t be shy part because its purpose is to protect you. If it is not the shy part that wants to change, then there must be others parts of you yearning to be set free.

Change occurs when you can recognize the shy part of you and, at the same time, the other parts.  Being totally identified with the shy part is extremely painful. The shy part can’t see how not to be shy, only the other parts of yourself can.

The more you try to change or get rid of your shyness, the more your shyness is reinforced. The more you are in touch with other parts or yourself, the freer you are to express the whole you and experience changes in your life.

The Many Parts of You

We all are made up of many parts (sub-personalities, tendencies, gifts, talents, etc.).  Shyness is just one part of you. While shyness may be leading you now, what about all the other parts?  Do you remember moments of adventure, curiosity, courageousness, creativity, or joy? These memories could be recent or from childhood and show that you are much more than your shyness. 

Good and Bad?

There are not good and bad parts of you, all parts of you are acting/performing in your best interest. Part of your journey is to discover what good each part is trying to do for you.   Understanding the shy part can direct you to happiness and finding your true purpose in life once you truly learn to listen non-judgmentally.

Finding the Real You

What is the real you?  How much of your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and understanding comes from your parents, your culture, your past experience?   What beliefs do you hold that are self and life affirming? What beliefs do you hold that are judgmental and critical?

Is part of you yearning to be free of the past and be fully present now? Is the real you the center of all these parts? What would happen if the real you were in touch with all the parts of yourself?

What is Shyness?

Shyness is a label placed on us by others or ourselves.  Labels do not explain a person, they place a person in a category and it is important to remember that labels and categories are not the person. Shyness is not the complete you. Your current way of being in the world resembles others who are introverted, sensitive, protective, caring, or deeply feeling. On one level shyness is a behavior and on another level shyness is an inner guide, an important part of you. To some people shyness has negative connotations and to others shyness is the root of compassion and creative introspection.  For the purpose of this web site, Shyness is the emphasis of one part of us resulting in the limitation of our personal freedom and expression.

Shyness can be also viewed as caring too much what others think of us.

What is the difference between shyness, social anxiety, and insecurity?

In reality, these terms are artificially created categories which help to understand behavior --- the  similarities between the categories is more important than the differences. The term shyness is used on this web site as a broad category covering being shy, quiet, insecure, and/or socially anxious.

How do I know I don’t have a more serious psychological problem?

With shyness, one can still take action. The results may not be to our liking and we may find that despite our various efforts, we tend to get the same results but we are trying or at least seeking answers.  If one is unable to attempt anything for a long period of time, then perhaps viewing the problem as Avoidant Personality Disorder would help. Keep in mind that this is just another label and does not define you, but you may find the information useful.

What is holding you back?

What is keeping you from finding happiness and wholeness?  Sometimes we hold on to beliefs that are self-destructive for which we are not even aware.  The following section explains Principles that Transform Shyness which may question some of those beliefs that are holding you back.

A perfect pair... to assist your transformation. Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman danmillman.com Illusions by Richard Bach richardbach.com Curl up with these books and experience adventure, humor, and incredible insights that will change your life. Click Book to Order

How to use the Shy and Free shyness site

The Shy and Free site is divided into seven areas: Home (this page), Principles, Process, Secret, Ways, Stories, and Resources.  Click on the corresponding buttons at the top or bottom of each page to navigate to the desired area. Any underlined text is a link which will take you to additional information when clicked.  For information about the site, linking to this site, author and awards, click on the About button. Clicking on the Shyness Book Store link will take you to a wonderfully comprehensive book store relating to shyness. Clicking on the Resources button will display additional Web Resources and will also reveal some of the sources that influenced this site and assisted in the author’s transformation.

One way to approach this site is by reading the first three areas: Principles that Transform Shyness,  A Process of Understanding Shyness, and the Secret of Transforming Shyness,  then explore the Ways that Transform Shyness, Stories, and Resources.

Alternatively, go to the area where you are most drawn.

If you are not sure reading this site is worth your time, check out what readers think about the Shy and Free content.

Disclaimer

Realize that you are responsible for what you do with the information on this site.  Also understand that this site is positive and life affirming. This site is not run by therapists or mental health professionals. Please read the full Disclaimer.

Privacy

Posts made to community bulletin boards are viewable by anyone on the Internet.  Emails sent to Shy and Free treat your identity as confidential, yet the content may be shared in the interests of helping others (email address not revealed and names/locations changed so as not to reveal your identity). 

Shy and Free does not sell or share email addresses with any other organization.   Bookmark now, your return to SHYANDFREE.COM is appreciated.